Villains vacation
by Foopar
Summary: Wesker has had it, he can't take it anymore. Constantly loosing to Chris, and having to work with a bunch of idiots all day has finally taken it's toll. In short: he need's a vacation. But what happens when Chris and the good guys have the same idea?
1. The terrible Mr B

**Author's notes**

**My first Resident evil story in awhile. Basically this story is about all the villains deciding to take a vacation on a cruise, and coincidently, the hero's go on the same Cruise at the same time, and hilarity ensues! Will they kill each other? become friends? Get ship wrecked? Find Atlantis? Who knows! Also, I'm doing something where there's gonna be certain parts where you can listen to music. At certain parts there's gonna be a link to a song, in order to get to the page, type in the address bar youtube right after it says http:/ then just copy and paste the link after that. I recommend you do it for comedic effect. And yes, I know I stole this idea from RainFox88, but I don't care! I'm just evil like that.**

**NOTE: The current date is July 7th, several months after I originally wrote this chapter. I just want to say, that this chapter sucks. Just plain sucks. Please do not judge the rest of the story based on this chapter, as the story gets much better. The only reason you should even read this chapter it to introduce you to an original character that I created. Other then that, there's no reason to read this sucky chapter.**

_Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. _Wesker paced back and forth angrily. Ada sat on a nearby chair casually giving herself a manicure, William Birkin smiled madly as he mixed various chemicals, Krauser was taking a nap, and HUNK was standing upright, doing absolutely nothing.

"Why? Why! Why can't I beat Chris!" Wesker practically yelled. Ada sighed as she rolled he eyes, and continued her manicure.

"My plan was perfect! Absolutely perfect!" He yelled.

"Yeah, it was prefect all right." Ada said sarcastically.

_Flashback time_

"I got it!" Wesker suddenly yelled, causing everyone in the room to jump, save for HUNK.

"I know how to beat Chris! I just came up with a full proof plan!" Wesker yelled.

"And what would that be?" Ada asked.

"I'm going to create a virus that turns everyone into worm monsters! I will release it into the atmosphere, and force the next stage in human evolution!" Wesker yelled.

"By turning everyone into worm monsters?" Ada asked.

"Precisely!" Wesker said proudly.

"I will call it... Uroboros! William, get right on that!" Wesker called. Meanwhile, William Birkin, was in his lab, with a giant smile that went all the way across his face.

"Ahaha! I've done it!" Birkin yelled.

"I've created a cure for cancer!" William yelled proudly.

"William, I said make me a virus that turns people into worm monsters!" Wesker yelled again.

"Huh? O-oh yeah right." Birkin said as he threw the cancer cure vial on the ground.

_A little while later_

"There, all I have to do is mix these two chemicals and your virus will be complete!" William said proudly. He poured the contents of one vial into another, and the stuff started bubbling.

"Uhh, William." Wesker said.

"Willia-"

"Shhh!" Birkin interrupted.

"Not while I'm pouring." He whispered. Slowly the bubbles started to over flow the vial, and the whole thing exploded in Birkins face.

"_Cough cough, _William what have you done!" Wesker yelled as a thick black smoke started to cover the whole room.

"I'VE DONE IT!" Birkin practically screamed.

"Your insane!" Wesker yelled.

"I'M A GENIUS!" Birkin continued.

"Your retarded!" Krauser yelled. Birkin then started to laughing maniacally. Eventually the smoke faded away, and everyone could breath again.

"Oh my me!" Wesker yelled.

"Don't you mean oh my god?" Krauser asked.

"No." Wesker replied.

"I nearly suffocated!" Ada yelled.

"That was mildly unpleasant." HUNK said calmly. Birkin was still running around laughing like an idiot, and Wesker eventually got his breath back.

"William! Where is the virus!" Wesker said very madly.

"Huh? Y-yes, I'll do that right now." William stuttered.

_Another little while later_

"It's done!" William yelled. He handed the vial to Wesker, who immediately turned to a nearby guard.

"You, whats your name?" Wesker asked.

"Random guard." Random guard replied.

"Here, drink this." Wesker said.

"Well, uhh, what is it?" Random guard asked.

"It's cranberry juice now just drink it!" Wesker yelled. Random guard quickly chugged the vial, and turned into a disgusting worm monster.

"And why are you going to infect everyone with that?" Ada asked.

"Because it reminds me of tentacle rape, now get out! All of you! Now that I have Uroboros, I don't need any of you fools!" Wesker yelled.

"Yes sir." HUNK said as he jumped out a window.

"B-but sir!" Krauser panicked.

"I said leave!" Wesker screamed.

"Don't worry Krauser, I'm sure his plan will fail, and he'll be begging us to come back." Ada said as she walked out, with a very sad Krauser behind her.

_Present time_

"Yes, well, in hindsight that probably wasn't a very good idea." Wesker said.

"IT'S ALIIIIVE!" Birkin screamed.

"What's alive?" Wesker asked. He looked over to find a very very large grey monster standing next to Birkin. It looked much like Mr. X, minus the trench coat and the hight difference.

"I shall name you... Mr. B!" Birkin yelled. Mr. B then bitch slapped Birkin across the room, and started to destroy the lab.

"William, what have you done!" Wesker yelled.

"I've created life! I am incredible!" William said on the brink of death.

"Don't worry boss! I'll take care of i-EEK!" Krauser screeched as Mr. B bitch slapped him across the room as well. He landed right on Birkin, crushing the life out of him.

"Gah! HUNK, do something!" Wesker yelled.

"And get him some clothes to!" Ada yelled while covering her eyes. HUNK then grabbed his walkie-talkie from its holster, and started talking.

"Calling the Tyrant squad, I need back up now!" he yelled.

.com/watch?v=X9bOsdHckhg

As soon as he said that, there was a loud stomp coming from outside the door. Then another one, and another, until the sound was right outside the door. Everyone stopped, and waited to see what was out there. The room went silent from anticipation, and finally, the door's bursted open. And In walked Nemesis, Mr. X, and the tyrant T-002 as rock and roll music started playing. They were all wearing sunglasses and had there arms crossed in a 'badass' way. Nemesis, the leader of the group, took off his sunglasses as the camera zoomed in on his face.

"Did someone call us?" He asked. Meanwhile, Mr. B was still trying to destroy the world.

"Birkin you fool!" Wesker said bitterly as he poured some strange liquid on his friends dead body.

"Wha- huh?" Birkin asked as he came back to life.

"Albert, you saved me again! Just like you did after that train blew me up! Thanks!" Birkin said cheerfully.

"How do we stop it!" Wesker yelled while pointing to Mr. B who had just hacked into Wesker's computer, and launched 100 nuclear missiles.

"What the- how the- That doesn't- GAH!" Wesker yelled.

"Great, now he's gonna destroy the world!" Ada yelled.

"Don't worry boss, we'll take care of him." Nemesis said.

"C'mon boys, lets crack some skulls!" Nemesis yelled as the music started up again. Nemesis repeatedly punched Mr. B while Mr. X was hanging of Mr. B's head trying to choke him. Tyrant T-002 was busy hacking into Wesker's computer to stop the missiles. He somehow switched from sunglasses to plain reading glasses in the process.

"Come on, whatcha got whatcha got!" Nemesis chanted.

"Urg, were wearing him down!" Mr. X yelled. Just then Mr. B spontaneously mutated into a creature that was a cross between Mr. X's second form, and William Birkin's third form. With this mutation his strength increased exponentially, and he easily tossed Nemesis and Mr. X across the room.

"What now?" Mr. X asked.

"Look's like it's time to break out the heavy artillery!" Nemesis yelled. He then pulled out his rocket launcher from thin air, because he can do that, and took aim.

"Do it Boss! You're an amazon!" Mr. X yelled.

"I'm a what?" Nemesis asked.

"Ya know, aww never mind. Just do it!" Mr. X said. _(stop the music now)_

"Gameover." Nemesis said as he fired. A single missile then flew out of the gun, and headed straight for Mr. B, who easily swatted it away.

"CRAP!" Nemesis yelled. He fired again, and this one made contact with a huge explosion.

"OWW!" Mr. B yelled.

"Hey, why'd you do that! Jerk." He whined.

"You were trying to kill us!" Nemesis rebutted.

"So it can talk?" Ada asked.

"Ok, fine! I'm thorry, I wath jutht kidding." Mr. B said.

"So it can talk, AND it has a lisp?" Ada asked.

"Hey guys! I brought pizza!" Nikolai said as he barged in the room with a pizza pie.

"GAH! I can't take you idiots anymore!" Wesker yelled.

"What did you call me?" Ada asked.

"I need a vacation!" Wesker screamed as he ran out.

**Author's notes**

**And there's chapter 1. Ta-da! Now I know some of you might be blown away by it's absolute awesomeness, so just take a minute to catch your breath. Ok I admit it, it was a bit slow on the jokes. But just wait! I already have a bunch of jokes planned for when they actually get on the boat, I guarantee it will be funny. But in the mean time why don't you drop me a review, requests for anything you'd like to see are appreciated. Also I couldn't think of any other song to put in that spot then bad to the bone, if you have a better one you think will work please tell me and I'll change it.**


	2. Cousin Johnny comes to visit

**Author's notes**

**Yay new chapter! I just want to thank AliceAshford for the nice review, and everyone else for reading. The plot of this chapter is actually the basis of a story I've wanted to do ever since I started writing fanfics, I hope you like it, and the special guest in it!**

"Hmm, Hawaii doesn't seem so bad." Wesker said as he stared at the computer screen. He was looking for a place to vacation at, but so far no place had that certain feel that Wesker was looking for.

"No, no, it's far to sunny there. And hot, very hot." Wesker said. He was more of the dark, cold, and depressing kinda guys, a bright happy place like Hawaii was no good. Just then, Wesker heard a faint knocking on the door.

"What!" He yelled.

"Sir, can I come in?" Came the voice of Krauser.

"Fine." Wesker sighed. Krauser walked in, shirtless as usual, and approached Wesker.

"Sir, there's someone here to see you." Krauser said. Wesker was confused, who would want to see him? He didn't have any friends.

"Or do I?" He asked himself.

"His name is Johnny, he says he's your cousin." Krauser said. Upon hearing that, Wesker felt an unfamiliar emotion, terror.

"Oh me, OH ME NOOOO!" Wesker yelled as he his under his desk in the fetal position.

"Sir? Is everything all right? Is this guy really your cousin?" Krauser asked.

"Yes, Krauser, he is." Wesker said.

"Jack, let me ask you something, who do I hate most in the world?" Wesker asked.

"Chris." Krauser quickly replied.

"WRONG!" Wesker yelled as he jumped up and slammed his hands on the desk.

"The answer, is my cousin Johnny. He is the dumbest, most idiotic muscle bound meathead on the planet!" Wesker yelled.

"... You sure were not talking about Chris?" Krauser asked.

"Oh cousin Al!" Came a voice.

"WHAT! NO! You actually let him in!" Wesker asked.

"Well, it was raining and I didn't want to be rude!" Krauser defended. Just then, the large double door's bursted open, and in came a tall, blonde, muscular man wearing a black shirt and sunglasses. He was in some ridiculous pose that showed off his muscles much more then necessary, and Wesker immediately got a headache.

"Boom bam baby!" The mysterious man said. He immediately saw Wesker and formed a smile.

"Cousin Al! I haven't seen you in years!" Said the man as he ran up and bear hugged Wesker who could not breath. Krauser intervened at the last moment right before Wesker lost consciousness.

"Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?" He asked. The man let Wesker down, who immediately fell to the floor on his hands and knees and started vomiting.

"BBBLLLAAAARGH, Uhh, oh god, oh goOOORRPPF." Wesker yelled as he threw up.

"Hey cousin, you ok there?" Asked the man. Wesker stopped vomiting, hut stayed on the floor.

"Am I ok? AM I OK! DO I LOOK OK YOUU BUMBLING BAFOON!" Wesker screamed.

"Well now that you mention it, no not really." Said the man as calm as ever. Wesker was now red in the face with pure fury, he was about to massacre his cousin, but luckily, Ada walked by the open door's.

"What on earth is all this racket?" She asked. Johnny took one look at her and smiled. He raced towards her, and in a flash was right next to her doing more poses.

"Hey there babycakes." He said as he spun around and landed in another pose. He did it again, and somehow managed to get his shirt off without anyone noticing.

"The names Bravo, Johnny Bravo. What'do you say me and you go catch a movie?" Johnny said. Ada, disgusted by him, uses her super duper Ada Kung Fu powers and flips Johnny.

"Whoa, OOMF!" He yelled as he landed hard on his back.

"Aww man, how does every chick I meet know Karate?" He asked.

"Wesker, who is _that_?" Ada asked. Wesker was a bit reluctant to tell her the truth, but luckily Krauser blurted it out immediately.

"He's Wesker's cousin." He said. Ada was at first confused, but one look from Wesker assured her it was the truth. She then slowly formed a smile, and fell to the floor in a heap of tears and laughter

"AHAHAHA, AHAHEHEHE, y-y-you mean he's, related to him? AHAHAHAHAHA!" Ada laughed.

"Hey whats so funny?" Johnny asked. Ada then looked at Johnny again, then back at Wesker, and continued laughing. A few minutes later it died down, and Wesker was able to restrain himself.

"S-so, wait a minute. How can you two be cousins if all that Wesker children junk is true?" Ada asked.

"Well, it all started a long time ago." Wesker began.

_China, many years ago_

"Hoing ching chang chong!" One Chinese man yelled.

"What!" Another asked.

"I said why are we speaking English?" Asked the first one. The other shrugged and continued his work. There was a long converyor belt which brought out numerous things ranging from toy trucks to baby's. One such baby just popped up in front of the man, he picked it up and examined it.

"Hmm, alright, looks ok to me." He said as he put the baby back on the conveyor belt. This man was an inspector, he was responsible for checking if any product was damaged, malfunctioning, ext. And the babies name was Albert Wesker, soon to be shipped to America to be Wesker child number 13. The first Chinese man grabbed Wesker, and stammped his foot.

"Made in China." It read. Another baby then came out, his name was Johnny Bravo. The inspector picked Johnny up and examined him.

"Whoa! Glad I caught this one, it's completely malfunctional." He said as he dropped the baby in a bin marked 'inadequate'. All products in this bin were to be shipped back to where they came from, meaning Johnny would go back to his real mother, Albert on the other hand wasn't so lucky.

_Present_

"My mother and his father were siblings, both were of abnormally large intelligence, so we were to be shipped to Spencer to be Wesker children. But do to being unbelievably stupid, he was sent back." Wesker explained while showing everyone the made in China stamp on his foot.

"Hey cousin Al, you got anything to eat around here?" Johnny asked.

"...So Johnny, why after all these years have you come to me?" Wesker asked.

"Huh? Oh yeah, well I got this coupon for a cruise, 2 for 1, and I needed a wing man. So I figured you." Johnny said.

"A coupon for a cruise?" Ada asked. Wesker began thinking.

"Hmm, I have been wanting to take a vacation, and a free one beats paying. But I'll have to deal with Johnny. Then again, I could always throw him over board." Wesker said. Everyone was giving him strange looks.

"Did I say that out loud?" He asked.

"Huh? What ya say?" Johnny asked as he turned his head from the fridge.

"All right cousin, you've got a deal." Wesker said.

"I can't wait to get away from here." Wesker thought. _**BOOM!**_ A large explosion suddenly shook the whole facility.

"AT LAST I'VE DONE IT!" Came Birkins voice as the smoke detector came on. The sprinkler system went off as well, and Wesker got soaked.

"I REALLY can't wait to get away from here." He said.

**Author's notes**

**In case you haven't heard of Johnny Bravo (which would be pretty strange) he's the main character of a very popular show that used to come on Cartoon Network. I've always noticed many similarities between him and Wesker, like their affinity for black, their perfect hair slicked with a precise amount of hair gel, and of course the shades. If you liked Johnny I'll have him as a semi-regular character, if not Wesker will probably throw him overboard or something.**


	3. House party!

**Author's notes**

**I've decided that Johnny will occasionally appear in the story, but since this isn't in the crossover section, he won't be in every chapter. Also I'm doing the link thing again, I really suggest you do it as it will add a lot of comedy to the scene.**

"Let's see, toothbrush? Check. Extra shirts? Check. Extra pants? Check. I hate Chris coffee mug? Check. Underwear? Check." Wesker was going through his check list to see if he had everything he needed for his vacation. Johnny was supposed to pick him up in about an hour, so he was getting ready to leave. Just then, Krauser bursted in wearing a straw hat and one of those Hawaiian shirts with flowers on them, carrying around half a dozen bags.

"Ok, I'm ready to go!" He announced.

"Go where exactly?" Wesker asked, even though he knew the answer.

"On the cruise!" Krauser said excitedly.

"_Sigh, _Jack, I've told you time and again, you're not coming! No one is coming! This is my vacation, I'm taking it to get away from you! I'm going to be alone, as in you stay here! Do you understand!" Wesker asked.

"... Ok, can you run that by me one more time?" Krauser asked.

"YOU'RE NOT COMING ON THE CRUISE!" Wesker screamed.

"Well then why does Ada get to go!" Krauser complained.

"Becau- wait, Ada?" Wesker asked.

"Come on Wes, I've been waiting forever!" Ada said as she suddenly walked in, nag in hand.

"No, no, hold on now. Ada is not coming either." Wesker said.

"Yes I am." Ada said.

"No you're not." Wesker said.

"YES, I am." Ada defended.

"NO, you're not!" Wesker countered.

"YES... I... AM!" She said.

"... Ok fine." Wesker said.

"Oh, so Ada, William, Nemesis, Mr. X, Mr. B, AND tyrant get to go, but not me!" Krauser asked.

"Wha- there not coming! It's just me and Ada, who has to pay for her own ticket by the way." Wesker said.

"No she doesn't." Ada said.

"Fine." Wesker said back.

"Wait, so it's just you and Ada? No one else is going?" Krauser asked.

"For the love of god yes! Finally he gets it!" Wesker said.

"Oh, well boss, I may have accidentally told a few people that they could come." Krauser said sheepishly.

"What do you mean by, a few people?" Wesker asked, the rage boiling up inside him.

"Weeeeellllllll..." Krauser began. Just then, a loud crash was heard downstairs, and then many voices. MANY voices.

"Cap'nI'msosorrypleaseforgivemeIdidn'tknow!" Krauser talked so fast he was almost illegible, but by the pitch of his voice it sounded like some desperate plea, mixed with the feeling of just urinating yourself.  
>"Ididn'tmeantoIwasju-" Krauser was cut off by Wesker hand on his throat.<p>

"How...many...people?" He asked through clenched teeth. Unfortunately, Krauser ended up fainting, and peeing a little more.

"GAH!" Wesker yelled as he threw Krauser away. He then walked downstairs to asses the situation, with Ada, who was trying to hold back the laughter, right behind him. As Wesker got to the bottom of the staircase, he realized just how serious the situation was.

"I didn't know a guy like Krauser could have so many friends." Ada said while looking at the dozens upon dozens of people.

"I just finished waxing the floor!" Came Mr. X's voice.

"Wow, there thure ith a lot of people here." Mr. B said.

"Just look at all these test subjects, hehehehe." Birkin laughed.

"Wuh... huh?" Krauser said as he woke up. He quickly remembered what had happened, and raced out of the room to find a hiding place. But in his haste, he toppled down the stairs, and fell right on Wesker.

"OOMF!" Wesker grunted as he fell.

"Oh, oh god boss I'm so sorry!" Krauser said on the verge of a heart attack. His pants were now leaking various fluids, and as Wesker slowly rose, a god awfull smell also started coming from them. Wesker stood up slowly with the devil in his eyes, he was angrier then ever. Krauser thought it was the end of him, but then he saw her. Like a guardian angel, Krauser's savior approached Wesker.

"Hello there Albert." Said Alexia Ashford. Wesker looked her way, and his anger melted away. Alexia opened her mouth to speak.

"How nice to see y-"

"I want your body." Wesker intterupted.

"EXCUSE ME!" Alexia asked.

"I said good to see you." Wesker said.

"So what are you doing here anyway?" Ada asked.

"Krauser invited me." Alexia said.

"Wait, _your _friends with _him_!" Ada asked.

"Well... you could say that, hehe." Alexia giggled as Krauser flashed her a smile.

"Albert! How long has it been!" Suddenly came a familiar, and girly voice. It was none other then Alfred Ashford!

"Oh, it's you... yippee." Wesker said.

"Ahehe, you flatter me." Alfred said as he flashed Wesker a smile, who nearly threw up.

"Well it's been nice seeing you two again, but I just HAVE to meet some of Krauser other friends." Ada said as she grabbed Krauser and carried him off. Wesker, feeling very... uncomfortable around Alfred, followed.

"So, who else is there?" Ada asked.

"You guys wanna say hi to Steve?" Krauser asked.

"I don't think I can stomach his voice for even a minute, anyone else?" Wesker asked.

"ADA!" Suddenly yelled a voice, and Ada immediately wanted to die.

"Ada! Ada wait!" Said a familiar blonde as he literally climbed over people in his way in order to get to Ada.

"Why it's my favorite stalker!" Ada said sarcastically.

"Hello, Leon." Ada said.

"Ada, I love you!" Leon yelled.

"Well, it's been nice seeing you but we have to go." Ada said as the three ran off.

"Bye!" Leon said cheerfully.

"Ok, is there anyone here that I can stand?" Ada asked.

"Ummm..." Krauser said with a finger on his chin.

"... Brads here." Krauser suggested.

"No thanks." Ada said.

"Now Ada don't be so quick, I'm sure chicken heart can provide some entertainment." Wesker said.

_Meanwhile_

Brad Vickers was hiding under a table waiting for everyone to leave.

"Oh man, I knew I should've stayed in bed today!" He thought.

"Oh Brad!" Came a voice. Brad looked up to find his old Captain, Albert Wesker. But before Brad could get a word in, Wesker began again.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet." Wesker said with a smile. Just them, thundering footsteps could be heard, and slowly, Nemesis pushed his way through the crowd. Upon seeing Brad, his eyes lit up, and his emotions could only be described with this song.

/watch?v=PZOhm7qS-AI

"STAAAAAAARRRRRRSSSS!" Nemesis cried as he ran for Brad. Time seemed to slow down as he ran.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Brad cried in terror. Nemesis pushed and shoved his way through the crowd, and eventually made his way to Brad.

"GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Brad screamed.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD!" Wesker yelled.

"STAAAAAARRRRRRSSSSSSS!" Nemesis called. He grabbed Brad by the collar and yanked him up.

"PLEASE NOT AGAIN!" Brad pleaded. He knew what was coming. Nemesis slowly brought up his hand, and the familiar tentacle appeared. He looked back at Brad and smiled a warm smile.

"AAAAARGHPPPFFLRRR." Brad gargled out.

"TENTACLE RAPE!" Leon screamed from across the room.

"AHAHAHEHEHE!" Wesker cackled. This was the greatest moment of his life.

**Author's notes**

**Poor Brad. Also, remember when the voices first started and Wesker was mad at Krauser? He was so scared he was talking gibberish, but both sentences are actual sentences, I just didn't space them. Good luck figuring out what he was saying, hehe.**


	4. Were on our way!

**Author's notes**

**Al righty, chapter 4! I just want to take a minute to thank you all for the very nice reviews, keep em coming! Also, I want to announce that all the good guys will be in the next chapter.**

Wesker sighed as he sat in the crowded car, resting his head on his fist. Krauser was driving, Ada was riding shotgun, and he was stuck in the back with looney bin Birkin and Mr. personality HUNK. They were all singing 100 bottles of beer on the wall, even HUNK who somehow got dragged into it. Then again, he didn't seem very in to it. Krauser on the other hand could give Steve Urkel a run for his money in the obnoxious tournament!

"95 Bottles of beer on the wall, 95 bottles of beer, take on down pass it around, err... umm, 100 bottles of beer on the wall! 99 bottles of beer on the wall!" Krauser couldn't get passed 95. Ada happily hummed along, while HUNK blandly sang along. He had mastered every err, umm, and uh that Krauser would make, and would flawlessly say it at the exact same time. Birkin song along completely out of sync, and kept raising and lowering his voice randomly.

"97 bottles of beer, on the WALL, 97 BOTTLES! 97 BOTTLES OF BEER, take one down, pass it AROUND! 96 bottles!" Birkin wasn't much of a singer. Wesker sighed in agony, he himself could use about 97 bottles of beer right about now.

"How did this even happen?" Wesker thought.

"Wait, no!" Wesker started. "No I don't want to have a-"

_Flashback time _"Goddamn it!" Wesker yelled.

"AHEHEHEHAHAHAHAH! OOOOHEHEHOHOHA!" Wesker laughed in joy at Brads demise.

"Sadler did the same thing to Ashley!" Leon yelled. This caused Wesker to laugh even louder.

"Ah, that was nice." Nemesis said.

"Yeah I bet it wath you big tough man." Mr. B said with a wink. Nemesis tried to ignore it and proceeded towards Wesker.

"So boss when's the cruise leaving?" Nemesis asked.

"Huh-wha?" Wesker muttered as he tried to catch his breath.

"The cruise, Krauser said we were all going on a cruise." Nemesis said. This caused Wesker to quickly regain his composure and he remembered to punish Krauser.

"Yes, he will surely be punished...eww, I just had a thought." Wesker thought.

"Eww it won't go away!" Wesker thought louder.

"Sir?" Nemesis asked.

"huh? Oh- yes yes fine." Wesker said.

"That doesn't really answer my question." Nemesis said.

"Huh? OH YES the cruise yes, umm, Nemesis, Krauser is a bafoon. I don't know what he's been telling you, but I can assure you there is no cruise." Wesker said. He couldn't get his mind off the image.

"Oh, sad face." Nemesis said as he walked away.

"...What?" Wesker asked.

"Sir, we should leave now if you wanna make it." Krauser said.

"Krauser, for the last time, YOU ARE NOT COMING WITH ME!" Wesker yelled.

Krauser: Ok

Wesker: Wait, what?

Krauser: I said ok

Wesker: So your fine with not going?

Krauser: Going where?

Wesker: The cruise!

Krauser: What cruise?

Wesker: THE VACATION CRUISE THAT I'M GOING ON!

Krauser: You're going on vacation?

Wesker: Yes!

Krauser: Why?

Wesker: Because I'm stressed!

Krauser: About what?

Wesker: YOU!

Krauser: Who?

Wesker: You!

Krauser: Him?

Wesker: YOU YOU YOU!

Krauser: Who's on first?

Wesker: Wha-what?

Krauser: No, he's on second.

Wesker: Who's on second?

Krauser: No, who's on first.

Wesker: I don't even...

Krauser: No, I don't know is on third!

Wesker: Well I don't know either!

Krauser: Know what?

Wesker: Who's on third!

Krauser: No, who's on first.

Wesker: THAT''S WHAT I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT!

Krauser: Then don't change the players around!

Wesker: What players!

Krauser: What is on second!

Wesker: I DON'T KNOW!

Krauser: He's on third!

Wesker: FINE YOU CAN COME WITH US!

"Cool I'll go pack." Krauser said as he skipped towards his room.

"Wha-wait you can't... GAH!" Wesker yelled as he threw his hands in the air.

"Well well well." Came a voice.

"What is it?" Wesker asked.

"Oh nothing, it's just that I didn't know you liked Krauser more then me." Said Nemesis.

"What are you talking about?" Wesker asked.

"Your letting Krauser come but not me!" Nemesis yelled.

"Nemesis, I'm not letting Krauser come." Wesker said.

"But you just yelled All right you can come!" Nemesis complained.

"Hang on, you're letting Ada, Krauser, AND Nemesis go but not me?" Came Tyrants voice.

"Oh god." Wesker said as he slapped himself.

"But boss! I wanna come tooooooo!" Tyrant whined.

"No!" Wesker said.

"Then why does Nemesis get to go?" Tyrant asked.

"You're letting me go? Sweet!" Nemesis said as he ran to his room to pack.

"What-no!" Wesker yelled.

"ALBERT! AAAAAAALLLLLLLBERRRRRRT!" Came a familiar, deranged voice.

"Oh no not him!" Wesker said. Wesker turned towards the direction of the voice, he expected William to bust into the room any second.

"ALBERT!"

"EEK!" Wesker yelled as he was startled. Somehow, William made his way behind Wesker.

"What do you want!" Wesker yelled.

"It's time!" Birkin screamed.

"Time for what!" Asked Wesker.

"It's, tiiiiiiiiime..." Said Birkin as he walked backwards and got lost in the crowd.

"Time for what!" Asked Wesker angrily.

"I'm packed!" Came Mr. B's voice.

"So you're letting Krauser, Nemesis, Mr. B, Ada, AND Mr. X go, but not me!" Asked Tyrant.

"What are you talking about! Mr. B is not going, and I haven't seen Mr. X all day!" Yelled Wesker.

"Don't lie to me! He's been waiting in the car for hours!" Tyrant yelled.

"Wait, what!" Wesker asked.

"Ok both, I'll be waiting in the car with Mr. Xth and Nemethith." Said Mr. B, with that annoying lisp.

"There already in the car!" Asked Wesker.

"Yeah, and Ada and Krauther and William are there to." Continued Mr. B.

"William to?" Asked Wesker, slowly loosing hope.

"WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEE!" Screamed Tyrant like a spoiled child. Wesker's eyes were hidden by his sunglasses, but if they were removed you could see them twitching. Something in Wesker's brain had finally snapped.

"You know what tyrant...fine. You can come to." Said Wesker quietly.

"Yay!" Cheered Tyrant as he raced out to the already full car. So that's how Wesker got in this situation, stuck in an unbelievably cramped car with 5 of the biggest idiots in the world. And Ada to.

"Well, at least it can't get any worse." Thought Wesker.

"Were here!" Said Krauser as he stopped the car. He then started frantically pointing at something.

"Hey look! It's Johnny!" He said.

"Oh yeah, there's that." Thought Wesker. A lone tear then rolled down his face.

**Author's notes**

**Poor poor Wesker. Aww who am I kidding he deserves it! Anyway, just so theres no confusion, the whole thing with Krauser was a reference to the famous comedy skit by Abbott and Costello called Who's on first. If you haven't heard of it, go check it out on youtube. Anyway I just wanna say that I just saw Thor and it was AWESOME! I highly recommend you see it.**


	5. As if he didn't have enough to deal with

**Author's notes**

**Ok, it's here! The moment you've all been waiting for! In this chapter, *drum roll*...THE GOOD GUYS APPEAR!**

"Hey! Cousin Al! It's me, Johnny!" Johnny called over the crowd. Krauser parked the car and everyone exited.

"Control yourself..." Wesker mumbled to himself.

"Cousin, you made it!" Johnny said.

"Yes, I did. Where is my tick-HUURGH!" Wesker was suddenly having trouble breathing, Johnny had him in a bear hug...again. Wesker was strong enough to punch through solid steel, throw grown man across entire rooms without the slightest of effort, and move faster then the human eye can see, yet he still couldn't escape the grasp of someone who visited the gym twice a week. Eventually Johnny let go, just before Wesker passed out.

"_Pant, pant, pant pant..._Johnny..." Wesker said.

"Yeah?" Johnny asked.

"Can I please have my ticket now?" Wesker asked through gritted teeth.

"Uhh, sure buddy." Johnny handed Wesker his ticket. Wesker looked at it and was pleasantly surprised.

"First class eh?" He asked.

"Yup." Said Johnny.

"Hey sir, what about us?" Krauser asked. Wesker looked up from his ticket and saw something. He saw something he didn't see often, it was hope. For once in his miserable life, Wesker saw hope. He slowly turned around to face Krauser.

"You...don't have a ticket?" He asked.

"Nope." Answered Krauser. Wesker's lips started twitching, and slowly, ever so slowly, formed into a smile.

"Looks like Christmas came early..."

"Huh? Oh look, there selling tickets over there. Come on guys lets go buy some." Krauser, Ada, HUNK, Nemesis, Tyrant, Mr. X, Birkin, and Mr. B all walked over to the booth. Wesker's smile immediately faded.

"Oh god, could this day get any wo-" Wesker quickly stopped himself.

"Oh no, no no no! I am not finishing that sentence, because I know that if I do something bad will happen. And as long as I don't utter those words, the day cannot get any worse."

"Hey look guys it's Wesker!" Suddenly came Leon's voice. Wesker looked over to see Leon, Chris, Jill, Barry, Claire, Rebecca, Sherry, Carlos, Steve, Billy, Luis, Sheva, and Brad, who is somehow alive again.

"OH GOD NOT YOU!" Wesker and Chris yelled in unison. They both quickly looked away from each other.

"Aww come on man! I have enough to deal with, now _him_ to?" Chris thought.

"This isn't fair! It's not fair! I have enough problems as it is, I don't need anymore!" Wesker thought.

"Chris come on now we have to say hi." Jill said.

"No Jill!" Chris said.

"But it's the polite thing to do, so come on." Jill argued.

"But Jill I don't like him!" Chris said.

"Chris thats enough now were going to say hi!" Jill said firmly.

"Jill! No, just ignore him!"

"HI!" Leon screamed. Chris slapped himself in the face at this remark.

"Ok we got the tickets!" Krauser said as he and his 'posse' came back. He and Leon then met gazes.

"Leon!" Krauser yelled surprised.

"Krauser!" Leon yelled back. Krauser then pulled out a knife from thin air.

"Die comrade!" Krauser leaped into the air and an epic battle ensued, the likes of which would melt the brain of any unfortunate person that would happen to walk by at the moment that it takes place.

"HYA!" Leon grunted as he attacked.

"URG!" Krauser grunted as he blocked.

"What are you doing here!" Leon asks.

"I had to pick something up." Krauser says with a smile.

"WHat! So YOU were the one behind everything!" Leon practically yelled.

"Everything except what happened at Radio shack." Krauser answered. He then lunged at Leon who did a back flip to avoid the attack.

"But what about the milkman?" Leon asked.

"He was in the tunnel the whole time!" Krauser said arrogantly.

"Wha-then that means..."

"Yes, it's true. It really was George Bush at the power plant that day!" Krauser mocked.

"You bastard!" Leon started slashing at Krauser, who either blocked or dodged each attack.

"But tell me comrade, how did you find the Vader's base?" Krauser asked.

"I had a little help on the inside." Leon said with a cocky smile.

"Huh? You don't mean..."

"That's right, Megan Fox had it the card entire time! What you got was a decoy!" Leon said.

"No!" Krauser yelled.

"Your plan is finished Krauser!" Leon attacked again.

"Heh, that's what you think. But we had a fail safe just in case this would happen." Krauser says. Leon stops in his tracks.

"Are you saying-"

"Yeah, thats right, Tricks really are for kids!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT!" Wesker screams.

"Attention passenger's, the ship will be leaving in exactly 10 minutes. All passengers who are not yet boarded please do so now." Came a voice over the loud speaker.

"Well, I guess we'd better get going." Wesker says. Everyone gets in a large line leading to the boat, somehow Wesker ended up standing next to Johnny.

"Hey cuz, who are those guys?" Johnny asks.

"Those are...some old frrrrr-some old FFFFFFRRRR-" Wesker just can't bring himself to call them friends.

"They are some old, FFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIII-aquiantances." He says.

"Ah, ok. Hmmm, some really smokin hot babes are comin on this cruise!" Johnny says as he points to Leon.

"That's a man." Says Wesker.

"Huh? Oh...he should really do something with his hair." Johnny says. Wesker cuts in front of Johnny, anything to get away from him, and ends up next to Jill.

"Hello Jill." Wesker says.

"Wesker! Old buddy, how ya been!" Jill asks excitedly.

"Why are you so happy?" Wesker asks.

"Because I'm catching up with an old friend!" Jill says.

"You do remember me taking over your mind and making you my slave right" Wesker asks.

"Oh that? Psshh, no big deal! Were friends!" Jill says.

"...So you pretty much snapped after what happened right?"

"Yeah pretty much." Wesker cut in front again. This time he was with Leon.

"So...Leon..."

"Wesker..."

"So...You're a brunette again?"

"Yeah, I died my hair this morning." Leon says.

"But you were a blond this afternoon when you were at my house?" Wesker says, a bit confused.

"Oh that? That was just a wig." Said Leon.

"...Then why did you die your hair in the first place?" Wesker asked. Leon just shrugged. Wesker cut in front again. Now he was with Chris. Wesker just cut in front again. Now he was with Claire.

"...Wesker..." Claire said awkwardly. Wesker gave her a wink. This time she was the one to walk away. Since she left, Wesker was forced to move up, and was now standing next to Barry.

"Hello Barry." Said Wesker.

"WESKER!" Barry calls.

"Yes yes, I'm right here." Said Wesker.

"What is this place?" Barry asks.

"This is a dock, were boarding a cruise now." Explained Wesker.

"WOAH..."

"...What?" Wesker asks.

"..."

"Barry?"

"..."

"Barry, what are you d-"

"This ship is dangerous!" Barry suddenly said.

"Barry, whatever your on I want some." Wesker said.

"I'm on THIS." Said Barry as he pulled out a bag full of a powder like substance.

**Author's notes**

**Sorry this chapter took so long, but it's here now! Also, if you didn't get it, Barry was saying various lines from the first game, albeit a bit differently.**


	6. Breakfest time

"Cock a doodle doo!" A rooster calls as the sun rolls up. Which is pretty strange considering there on a ship several miles out into the ocean, but I digress. Anyway, Krauser is the first to wake. Whereas most people would just roll over and go back to sleep, Krauser instantly jumped up and did 200 jumping jacks, followed by 100 push ups, and finally 100 sit ups, all without breaking a sweat.

"How can you brake a sweat? Shouldn't it be "all without breaking _into _a sweat?" Krauser asks.

"Shut up." I reply. Krauser shrugs and goes to make some breakfest. He remembers all that had transpired the previous day. After everyone boarded the ship, Wesker and the bad guys awkwardly tried to avoid the good guys, but to no avail. Leon followed Ada like a stalker, Sherry followed Birkin like a lost puppy, and Jill followed Wesker like an insane person, constantly saying how much of a good friend he is. Eventually the day ended, with Wesker being completely disapointed with his first day on the cruise. Krauser also remembered the confrontation he and the other bad guys had with the good guys about the tyrants.

_Flashback time_

"So uh, Wesker...who's your friends?" Chris awkwardly asks.

"I'm Nemesis bitch." Nemesis answers.

"Mr. X." Mr. X says.

"I'm Mithter B." Mister B replies, again with that lisp.

"And you?" Claire asks tyrant.

"I'm, uh...Jimmy." Tyrant says.

"Well hi there Jimmy!" Jill says.

_Flashback time over_

Krauser giggles at this as he realizes his toast is done. He goes over to the toaster and presses the button that would normally cause the toast to pop and let him grab it, but it wasn't working. Krauser ponders how he will get his toast out, and then has an idea. He grabs a fork, and carefully sticks it inside the toaster.

"This is such a good idea." He says.

_1 electrocution, 2 pieces of toast, a bowl of cereal, another _electrocution, and 2 more pieces of toast later__

Krauser realizes he forgot to wash up and shower

_1 shower later_

Krauser exits his room and heads out to the deck, where he finds Claire tanning. Krauser decides to try and put his moves on her.

"Hey there baby." He says. Claire doesn't even look. Krauser thinks for a moment before getting an idea.

"Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my dreams all night." He says. "Oh wait, I actually dreamt I was being chased by a giant can of beans. I was really scared, but then remembered I like beans and ate them. But then I remembered beans give me gas." Krauser said. Claire said nothing as several extremely awkward minutes passed. The silence was finally broken by Krauser passing gas. Claire got up and walked away.

"Aww man, that was my best line!" He said.

_Meanwhile..._

Wesker slowly opened his eyes to find warm sunshine.

"Bah! Sunshine is for people who like happiness." He said as he shut his blinds.

"Yes, nice depressing darkness, just the way I like it." Wesker then looked at the clock to find it was already noon.

"Hmm, I'd better get up." He said. He got up, admired himself in the mirror for a bit, showered, admired himself again, and finally got dressed and left.

"WAAAA!" He yelled as he opened the door. HUNK was standing out there, motionless.

"HUNK! What are you doing? You scared me!" Wesker yelled.

"I watch you in your sleep." HUNK answered.

"O_o" Wesker replied. Meanwhile, Barry was just finishing breakfast. A bowl of coco puffs. He looks down at the empty bowl, and proclaims that it was almost a Jill sandwich.

**Author's notes**

**Yeah I know it's a very short chapter, but I kinda wanted to get it out as soon as possible. I haven't updated in a while, so I wanted to give an update as soon as possible. Anyway, the next one will be longer.**


	7. yay drug references

**Author's notes**

**A few drug references in this chapter, but everything will become clear at the end.**

Wesker just continued to blankly stare at HUNK, as the situation got more and more awkward. Wesker was trying to get inside HUNK's head, find out what he's thinking, why he would find it necessary to guard Wesker in his sleep. HUNK on the other hand was determined to win the imaginary staring contest they were having. Suddenly, a loud growl interrupted the two.

"OMG a monster!" HUNK yelled.

"No you idiot, thats my stomach!" Wesker yelled.

"But I thought you already ate breakfast in the last chapter?" HUNK asked.

"Well the plot of this chapter requires I eat again! So were just going to retcon that or something." Wesker said.

"You know, with a little planning on the authors part, this problem could have easily been avoided." HUNK said.

"Just go draw me a bath while I eat breakfast." Wesker said.

"k." HUNK replied as he pushed his way past Wesker and into the room. Wesker, meanwhile, went to the kitchen to have breakfast.

_A few minutes later_

An old fashioned, mahogany table sat in the center of the kitchen. It was old, but still in shape. Wesker liked it, it gave the room a classic feeling. On the table, sat a bowl. The contents of this bowl were a mixture of sugar, corn syrup, cornstarch, cocoa, canola oil and/or rice ran oil, caramel, beet juice concentrate, color salt, fructose, calcium carbonate, tricalcium phosphate, natural and artificial flavor, zinc, iron, vitamins C, B, B1, B6, B2, B12, and E, folic acid, and finally, BHT. Or cocoa puffs for short. Wesker put a spoonful in his mouth and savored the taste.

"Mmm, I'm coo coo for cocoa puffs." Somehow escaped his lips. Wesker quickly looked around the room, looking to see if anyone heard him say that.

"Good," He said as he saw no one there. "No need for bloodshed today." He said as he took another bite. Once he finished, he went into the bathroom to see if HUNK was done.

"Are you finished with my bath yet?" He asked. HUNK handed him a picture of a bath.

"I drew you a bath, just as you requested." HUNK said. Wesker sighed as he buried his head in his hands.

"HUNK...just, just go, just leave..." Wesker muttered.

"As you wish." HUNK said as he left. He opened up Wesker's front door, and was immediately bum rushed by Krauser.

"HUNK!" Krauser screamed.

"Yes." HUNK said.

"You have GOT to check this out!" Krauser continued as he rushed HUNK inside his room.

"What, what is it?" HUNK asked.

"Ok, so I was on deck talking to Claire, who totally digs me by the way, but anyway I remembered I forgot to get dressed this morning!" Krauser said.

"I've noticed." HUNK said to the naked Krauser.

"So, I went to my room to get dressed, and look at what I found growing in my closet!" Krauser said as he opened the door to his room and rushed HUNK to the closet. Krauser opened up the closet, to reveal...weed.

"Krauser." HUNK asked.

"Yeah?" Krauser responds.

"Why are you growing weed?" HUNK asks.

"I DON'T KNOW! I just found it in my room!" Krauser says amazed.

"...We have to tell everyone about this."

So HUNK and Krauser go back on deck, after Krauser gets dressed of course, and they soon find everyone huddles up together. Wesker, Ada, Birkin, and all the other bad guys are on one side, while Chris, Leon, and Jill are on the other.

"EVERYBODY LISTEN UP!" Krauser screams.

"IS THE SHIP SINKING!" Chris asks.

"No, its even better!" Krauser says.

"Hang on, that would imply that that ship sinking is good, soooo..." Claire asks.

"LISTEN TO ME!" Krauser screams. "You guys aren't going to believe this, but, in my room, in my closet, I am growing...weed!"

"...Weed?" Ada asks.

"Ah-huh!" Krauser nods.

"Wait, what?" Wesker asks.

"WEED! I have weed growing in my closet!" Krauser says.

"Oh my god!" Barry drags out.

"Come on guys!" Krauser says.

"OK!" Leon and Chris say excitedly. No one else cares very much, so the four of them just walk away.

"Oh look, the idiots are bonding." Ada says sarcastically.

"I'd better go to, just to make sure everything is all right." Claire says.

"I'll join you." Jill says happily. So those two run off after the men.

"Hey guys, I just had a, you know, one of those things in your head." Leon says.

"A what?" Claire asks.

"Like a, like a, like a head ache, but with words." Leon says.

"A thought?" Claire asks.

"Yeah yeah, thats it!" Leon says. Claire rolls her eyes.

"So anyway, I just realized something. A stripper is an exotic dancer, right?" Leon asks.

"I wouldn't know." Jill says.

"Well, if thats the case, would that make a drug dealer a street pharmacist?" Leon asks.

"A street pharma-...hey, your right Leon!" Chris says.

"Yeah!" Krauser says.

"Cool!" Jill says, as happy as ever.

_Later_

With Krauser in the lead, the 6 of them all make it to his room. Krauser unlocks the door, and opens it up.

"EEEEEEK!" He screams upon seeing someone in his room.

"A BURGLAR!"

"No no! I'm not a burglar!" The woman says.

"Then who are you!" Krauser demands.

"I'm just the maid!" The maid says.

"I never asked for a maid!" Krauser yells.

"You don't need to! Its part of the cruise! All rooms have a maid come and clean, it's absolutely free!" The maid protests.

"I'm am NOT paying extra for this!" Krauser nearly screams.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO I JUST SAID IT WAS FREE!" While Krauser and the maid argue, HUNK leads everyone to the closet.

"Prepare to have your minds blown!" HUNK says. He then opens up the door, to reveal...

"Weeds?" Claire asks.

"YES!" HUNK says.

"HUNK, those are weeds, like, the plant." Claire says.

"I KNOW!" HUNK says excitedly.

"Aww man, I thought it was pot." Leon says sadly.

"What the-pot! As in marijuana?" HUNK asks. Leon nods.

"LEON! That stuff could kill you! Shame on you!" HUNK scolds.

"Well, hang on, if its just regular weeds, why were you so excited?" Claire asks.

"Because, this makes no sense! This is a ship in the middle of the ocean, how could weeds be growing here!" HUNK asks.

"Well thats because-" Claire stops mid sentence. She puts a finger on her lips as she thinks.

"It's because..."

"SEE! You don't know! That's why it's so cool!" HUNK says.

"Now hang on, there has to be a reason! This makes no sense!" Claire says.

"It's a conspiracy!" Leon yells.

**FIN**


	8. MEEP! HE KILLED HER!

_"BANG!" _

"EEEEEEEEEK!" Everyone quickly turns around at the sudden outburst, and are shocked at what they find.

"H-h-h-he killed her!" Krauser says while standing over the dead body of the maid.

"Who killed her!" Claire asks.

"I did." Came a voice. Everyone turns around (again, apparently) to find a man wearing a suit, sunglasses, and holding a gun.

"Who are you?" Claire asks.

"My name is unimportant. What _is _important is that you die!" The man aims his gun at Claire, and pulls the trigger.

"AAHH!" Claire yells as she falls, clutching her shoulder.

"CLAIRE!" Chris screams. The man in the suit then aims his gun at Chris, and pulls the trigger again.

_Bump_

That's the sound the bullet made when it hit Chris, then bounced off and onto the ground.

"Eh?" The man pulls the trigger again, same effect.

"You..." Chris puffs. "You shot Claire!" His voice raises. "Grrr...I-I-AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" Chris screams as he falls to his knees, clutching his head.

"Chris!" Leon asks.

"You...made a big mistake..." Chris mutters. "Everyone...go run now!" He yells.

"But Chris-"

"Now!" Chris yells.

"Chris please, calm down!" Jill says.

"NOW!" Chris screams. It's at this point, that Chris's muscles start bulging, and his skin turns green. He gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until...

"IT'S THE INCREDIBLE CHRULK!" Leon screams.

"RAAAAAAAARGH!" Chrulk roars at the man with the gun, who promptly soils himself before fainting. Chrulk grabs the body, then jumps through the roof of the room, and out into the middle of the ocean.

"What just happened?" HUNK asks.

"Rrrr, man! That stupid bullet grazed my shoulder!" Claire complains.

"Think you'll be ok?" Jill asks.

"Yeah, it only grazed me." Claire says as she gets up.

"What was that all about?" Ada asks as she opens the door and comes in.

"ADA!" Leon screams.

"Ada, glad your here!" Jill says.

"Yeah, well I figured I might as well get a joint off Krauser," She says. "But uhh, what was all that about?"

"Chris Hulked out." Leon answers.

"Again?" Ada asks.

"Well, thats what gamma-roids will do to ya." Claire says.

"Well who was that guy in the suit?" Ada asks. Everyone just shrugs. "Hmm, I bet Wesker would know."

* * *

><p>"Hey Wesker, do you know who this guy is?" Ada asks as she holds up a picture of the perp. She managed to snap a picture of him with her high heels that have a hidden camera implemented into them. (You didn't think those shoes were just for show did you? Who brings high heels on a mission to a zombie infested island?)<p>

"Hmm," Wesker says as he looks at the picture.

"Doesn't ring a bell." He finally says. "Who is he?"

"That's what were trying to find out." Claire sighs.

"He broke into Krausers room and killed his maid, tried to kill Claire to." Jill says.

"Wait, he killed Krauser's maid? What did you do with the body?" Wesker asks.

"We gave it to Steve." Claire answers.

"And what pre tell did Steve want with the body?" Wesker asks.

"Were not sure," Jill says. "All we know is that he said 'he's _not_ going to dress it up like Claire and have sex with it.' Claire shudders at that remark. Wesker laughs at Claires shudder. Ada rolls her eyes at Wesker's laugh. Leon drools over Ada rolling her eyes. (She's so cute when she's does that!) and Claire swoons over Leon drooling.

"Yay we came full circle." Krauser cheers.

"ANYWAY! After that, he shot me, and Chris went Hulk!" Claire says.

"And you didn't try to stop him?" Wesker asks.

"I was unconscious!" Claire yells.

"I tried telling him to calm down." Jill defends.

"Ah, yes. There's nothing more calming then someone telling you to calm down." Wesker says sarcastically.

"Whatever, the point is Chris went Hulk, grabbed the guy, then jumped into the ocean." Ada says.

"Well then who cares? If he's gone whats the problem?" Wesker asks.

"Well, we have to save Chris!" Claire yells.

"Plus, we have to find out who that guy was." HUNK says. Wesker just shrugs.

"Out of sight out of mind." He responds. Immediately, Chris, (or Chrulk) appears out of nowhere.

"Chris!" Claire yells.

"Huh? I- Cuh-lee-air." Chrulk words. Claire just rolls her eyes. "He sounds like Steve." Chrulk soon reverts back to his normal form, seeing his sister apparently calmed him down.

"Thank god his pants stayed on!" Jill says.

"Chris, what happened? What did you do with that guy?" Claire asks.

"I'm not sure, I think I may have eaten him." Chris says. Claire responds by face-palming.

_Step, step, step_

Everyone turns around at the sound of footsteps, and are shocked at what they find.

"YOU!" Claire yells.

"That's right," The man says. "IT'S ME!" The man yells dramatically as lightning strikes behind him. For you see, it was none other then the man with the suit from before! Umm, whats his name again?

"OP's right, whats your name?" Chris asks.

"You can call me, Random Government Agent #1." Random Government Agent #1 says. "Or just RGA."

"Well, RGA, Chris obviously didn't eat you, so that begs the question of just what did he do to you?" Ada asks. RGA's eyes go wide at that question. He then looks down in shame.

"Horrible, horrible things... I'd rather not talk about it." He says as a single tear rolls down his face. He then looks up, and points his gun at our hero's.

"Now, I'm afraid your time has come. Goodbye now."

"WAIT!" Leon yells. "Why are you doing this?"

"You wanna know why I'm doing this?" RGA asks. He nods his head, seaming to mull this over for a bit.

"You do realize I can disarm you at any moment, right?" Wesker asks.

"May I see your tickets please?" RGA asks.

"Tickets?" Leon asks.

"Yeah, lemme see your tickets." RG says again. Wesker sighs as he looks at Krauser. Krauser was designated the ticket holder before everyone got on board, so he should have everyones tickets.

"Krauser, go get the tickets." Wesker says.

"Umm, what?" Krauser asks nervously.

"The tickets Jack, go get the tickets!" Wesker yells.

"Umm, yeeeeeeaaaaah, ya see, the thing about that is-"

"Krauser, please don't tell me what I think your about to tell me." Wesker breaths. Krauser gulps, sweat running down his face. Eventually, he just blurts it out.

"I'm sorry sir but I lost the tickets!" He says. He then drops to the floor and rolls up into the fetal position and begins sobbing.

"..." Wesker says nothing, but if he took off his glasses you would see his eye twitch.

"Ah-huh, ya see. You guys are stowaways." RGA says mater-of-factly.

"But were not! We just lost our tickets!" Jill says.

"Not my problem, now, its time to end this." RGA says as he points his gun.

"Wait, WHAT! Your gonna _kill _us just for THAT!" Claire asks. RGA hesitates for a moment, then pulls his gun back.

"No, no I'm not. I have something much better in store for scum like you." He says with a smirk.

**Authors notes**

**Sorry for lack of quality in this chapter, but I kept fading in and out of consciousness while writing it, so it may be a bit sloppy.**


End file.
